THEY say the meek shall inherit the earth, but I prefer to think it will fall to bald men.
We sure do need some compensation for the deforestation of our heads – that cruel genetic trick Mother Nature plays on us. One minute you’re looking at your beautiful locks, the next you’re looking at the top of your shiny head.
Baldness kicks a man’s self-esteem harder than even a woman could. You become this stripped-back version of your former you – the broken shell of someone much younger. All the shiny prospects that lay in the future suddenly become tarnished. You realise that at any given moment Mother Nature could enter the ring and give you another painful left hook reminder of who’s in charge. (I’m waiting now for liver spots, hairy ears and deafness (possibly due to the hairy ears).)
While baldness took me a lot of adjustment, I now know there’s nothing I can do and, besides, I’ve saved thousands of dollars on haircuts and shampoo. It would be easy enough for me to talk down the prospects of the bald, but in some way I think having less hair makes you even more beautiful. And there are many cool people in The Bald Brotherhood – with many more joining our lists on a daily basis.
It’s not an easy road to tread. I have one friend who was a paid up member of TBB at the age of 19, and he seemed very much alone in his plight. But in the end you deal with it and you accept the cards you’ve been dealt. This nudeheadness leads you to become bolder in some way – balder and bolder. With time you realise hair is really just an impediment.
I went to China recently with a bald, bold man. He’s had TBB membership for as long as I’ve known him. The China trip was taken with our primary school aged kids, with the parents as chaperones of sorts. The kids went to school in China, the parents partied.
On our first meeting with the families of our kids’ Chinese friends, we were taken to Changshu’s finest restaurant, where the bald and brave Tim asked the hostess: ‘Do you drink beer or what?! I love the shit!’
While the rest of us were on our best behaviour and tuned in to cultural nuances, Tim was unashamedly himself. He was truly bald. Bald men lose their hair and then they lose their inhibitions.
Bugger the meek, it’s the baldies who will take over.