media; humour

Nudealoneism

I HAVE a confession to make and it may not be something you want to hear. I like to nude up.

   When I see a streaker at the cricket or footy, I say: ‘Well, done. Good work.’ When I see a naked person on the beach, I say: ‘Top stuff, but please slip, slop, slap. There’s a lot of exposed flesh there.’

   As much as I’d like to be one of those brave people – until, of course, the streaker gets pummelled by the security contingent or the nude sunbather ends up with a sunburnt arse or worse – I’m not. I’m a fairly conservative nudist. Don’t get me wrong. I like to get my kit off, but not in any formal, organised, public sort of way.

   I’m certainly not a nudist in any official sense. You won’t see me playing volleyball with other naked people or standing around at a barbecue with people who refuse to wear clothes. For a start I think there a lot of OH&S issues associated with both scenarios. And quite honestly, I don’t think unattractive people should take their clothes of – which, as far as I’ve observed, those official, organised nudists always are. Have you ever seen a photo of a hot nudist? Speaking strictly from an aesthetic viewpoint, most nudists should be forbidden from undressing.  

   Besides, I would rather go my own way – a lone wolf, a nudist on the edge. Sure, I love the feeling of being naked, but I’m not ready to fully embrace other people’s love of it. I think nudism is something everyone should embrace, but alone, where you’re not offending anyone else. I’m advocating a new nudist movement. It’s called ‘Nudealoneism’.

   You see, my nude moments are done alone and entail nothing more than a quick lap of the house (with the blinds all open). I don’t know if anyone is really looking. The odd person has probably seen bits of flesh, mostly obscured by furniture. Just to keep it interesting, I stage my nude runs at different times each day. If you were watching me, you’d have to be fairly dedicated to catch me out. And honestly, I’d wondered at the mental health of someone who would bother.

   I’m not even sure anyone has actually seen me, but I like to think there’s a pervy old lady somewhere in the neighbourhood who judges me to be a fine piece of young flesh (weird fantasy, I know).

   So, if you want to be part of my Nudealoneism movement, go ahead. But leave me out of it. I have no desire to see you naked. I expect you probably feel the same about me.

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4 thoughts on “Nudealoneism

  1. I preface this by insisting there was no funny business, but I’ve seen you nude before. It is likely though, if memory serves me well, that you weren’t conscious (refer last blog re. heavy beer).

  2. I am very pleased to have finally been exposed to your humour in print form….and mum says she may well be the pervy old woman for you….although she doesn’t get to leongatha that often….xx

    • Thanks Kate. Would be very pleased to have your mum as my pervy old lady (though, I reckon she’s not really old enough).

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